I've never slept normally. I can't blame my insomnia on endometriosis; I've never had a good night's sleep like a normal person, even when I was a child. But now that my nights are pain blue, aching grey - now I do blame them on my illness.
Right now: my head hurts because I'm coming down with yet another cold (endometriosis is theorized to be an autoimmune disease, and there's been some correlation between it and poor immune system function that's being researched). My pelvis feels like my intestines are being slowly tugged through my belly button. My hip is on fire. My back has been on fire all day. I want to sleep, but I don't.
Not just because of pain, but also because of fear. I'm so scared I won't find a job. I'm so scared that if I do find a job, I won't keep it long because I'm so ill. I'm scared I'll never get better and lose the friends and family I've managed to retain through fighting tooth and nail.
I'm exhausted. But I can't sleep.
